the heartbeat is gone

Sometimes there is a person who is the center of something. Sometimes, very rarely, there is a person who is the center of everything. The heartbeat of the reservation, the center of everything is gone. He was a loving son, brother, husband, father, grandfather, friend, educator, spokesman, cultural leader and he was the Eagle Drum. He was taken like lightening from this earth and has gone on to a better life, but I don't know how anything can go on without him. He was met by his son "Catfish", his folks and all those whose music he provided at their passing. Nothing went on without John-ceremonies, Christmas programs, ball games, fasts, naming ceremonies, school days, and sweats. He brought the youth to the drum-his sons and many more learned the songs from him. In all the years I knew him he always had time for a hello and a hand shake, a kind word or a big joke. THe women loved him, but he worshiped his Alta, the love of his life. She and the drum came first. I've seen John sad, disappointed, heartbroken by the loss of friends (Lonnie Hoffman was a tough one) devastated by the loss of a son, but I've never seen John mean, unkind, crude or without the spirit of a warrior, a survivor. Perhaps that is why it is so unbelievable that he is no longer with us. I just don't know how the Arapahoe people, the reservation can go on without him, his songs, his spirit and his hearbteat. The beat of the drum was the beat of the reservation-who will sing. Only the wailers.

Me and Jess

Jessie gave me the heads up about 3 this morning-there was water in the yard-lots of it-heading for the basement quickly. I got my light and went to look-the ditch was overflowing clear back to the road. I couldn't get into where you can send the water south, but got to thinking something had to be bad wrong. Perhaps the tricksters had opened the headgate all the way-could the beans be flooding as well? I called the irrigators headquarters at 4-that was a dirty trick on my part but I wasn't going to the headgate by myself on a bet. Heard that the irrigator had shut his water off and left town (?) for a few days. Wonder where he shut it off at-top boss went to the headgate-hope he really shuts the water off. Did I mention that I hit the sidewalk on my left knee? Thanks Jess- I love you-you are a good dog.

I hate that she is so old-I have to touch her now to wake her up, and she always is startled when I do. She has seen her best days and has lots of good memories-she was a hard worker when she wanted to be, a sweet lover sometimes, and a fierce watch dog always.

Picked up my things from fair yesterday-kind of sad to see the quilts come down from the ceiling and the exhibits going out the door, many headed for state fair. We are in the "next year" mode now. Polly had to be exhausted-she did such a good job of keeping vigil over the fiber arts-what a trooper she is and exact on everything.

I tried to find my heroine in the sheep barn but she was there and gone already-I'll just have to call her. She is a super sheep showman-and a hard worker. I want to give her some colored sheep to show-she would work hard with them and hopefully have some fun. Last year the judge was hard on her-and this year she did a sweep-nearly. Way to go. Judging is one persons opinion on any one day-and that is hard for the kids that put so much time, effort and money into their projects all through the year. Parents are able (with luck) to keep them going from fair to fair with encouragement and praise and she has great parents. Good job Camille.

Darling daughter is taking the kids and going to Disney world-so glad. I was afraid she would bring them here and heaven knows how bored they would be-no museums, fancy restaurants, great rides, and this world is full of people who are multiracial, and there are even Methodists (divorced even) in the county. I am so proud of my little Christian daughter. We have the book, and it is our book, and it says just what we say it says, and everyone else who has a book is wrong and they are not good. She would make her Lutheran great grandparents proud, except for the fact that they have the Baptist book. Ohmygosh! I don't even want to glance at the book-it is all too overwhelming for me.

tough race!

It was a tough race-she did her best and I must admit, I campaigned her hard but the competition was tough-and little did I know that the competition was my friend. Well, she did it-and so did my friend! The rest of the story, is the peoples choice award for the fiber arts-Mary went to fair, at least her photo-and she loves to pose for photo opts. She looked her best, with a bright blue mat surrounding her sweet face. I gave all I saw directions to the booth, with instructions as to what Mary's number was and howe to vote. Some did-then there was Norma-I forgot-she said. Norma, how could you? Mary calls you Auntie Norma. Now, truthfully, I did not vote-thought it would be cheating and now I"m glad that I didn't. Mary tied with Bobbie's photo of sheep and a wagon-it was really well done, and I'm sure Mary will be pleased when I tell her.

Fair is just fun-I can't help it-I love fair. Never went to fair till I was grown-the Colorado mountains just aren't conducive to growing gardens, raising animals and such. When my girl was small we always participated, then after she was grown and gone I seldom even got the opportunity to go. This year I made a splash-spent several days down at the fair along with a couple more walk throughs. The poultry barn was the noisiest-the rabbit pens were the dirtiest the cattle barns were the emptiest, and the sheep barns were heaven. Somehow I missed the pig barns-and that is a good thing. I'm nearly Jewish when it comes to pigs. And the friends-oh the friends that I saw. We laughed and talked about old times, we lamented of things past, we cried together about things present, and left each other feeling brighter about tomorrow. This world is all about survival and how we do it is our choice, and I saw some of the bravest survivors walking tall. It was good.

The wool did well, the beadwork did too but I was disappointed in how it was (not) displayed. Everyone was less than happy about the new fair lady-the atmosphere was not like it used to be-tension in the air in the armory-hope next year the wrinkles get worked out.

Sadly, two losses this week. My friend Mary Bates lost her daughter-a brave and tough girl who I loved as my own, and my "son" Scott found dead last night. I know both are in a good place, but will be so missed. Mary and I had a good visit and plans are in order for a birthday party for an old cowboy friend next weekend-that will surely help. We all need happy get togethers. I have expected Scott's news since I've known him, as some are too gentle for this world and he was surely that way but we've shared many good times and bad, and he loved Rasty like a father-"the old guy" he called him. Scott and I have shared many breakfasts together as for years he was our "night man" in the lamb barn and a better helper could not be found. He had a degree in engineering, graduating with a's all the way through-he knew the bible inside and out, was so kind and forgiving and never judged his fellow man. He ran to my aid when I was in trouble and made jokes that brought tears to your eyes. He loved sheep, always naming them, making splints for their broken legs, the only one in the world that fed my bums for me when I was at work and could live on a dollar for a month. I love you Scott-and I know you are with God. Hope I see you again.