The way we were

Heard "The Way we were" on the radio the other day-seems it says it all. Faded memories-got a call from the nursing home that my partner had taken a fall, but seemed to have only a bruise on his cheek-they said vitals were stable and they were monitoring. I hurried with chores and went it-to find him in another room -he had his back to me and didn't respond when I spoke his name. I went to him and took him to get him back to his room, and he collapsed in the hall. The sweet cleaning lady helped me and we got a chair under him and rested there. His walking was much worse than it had been-hunched forward and doing the walking run thing-I am sure that is how he fell on his face. I got him to another chair in the big room, still on the way to his own room and he grabbed Mr. Kenton's walker to steady himself and Mr. Kenton, who is very sweet, took a swing at him, thinking he was stealing his walker. First, got Rasty sat down, then everyone came to deal with Mr. Kenton, who had calmed down, and I apologized to him and he smiled. He later went to bed with his cap over his face-poor thing. Got Rasty to bed this time, as he was falling asleep in his chair. He slept the sleep of a dead man-wouldn't respond to anything. He was hot with fever and his pulse rate was up. After a bit of discussion "YOU know these altzheimer patients,,,,,,,,,,,,,," the nurse, who refused to make eye contact with me, called the ambulance and we were off to the e.r.. Cat scans, blood work, x-rays and an e k g revealed nothing, but the two bottles of i.v.'s got him going again-he was severely dehydrated. BY that time he was walking up and it was time to get the heck out of there. I was worried that the rapid decline of ability to walk was actually secondary to something-and I think it was the dehydration. At any rate, please don't tell me about"these altzheimer patients" when I have been living with one for quite some time now. The nurse at the home and I parted friends, both agreeing that we were glad it turned out the way it had, and I left him in the hands of "Chuck"who is wonderful. Watching him with the people is like watching a violinist at a symphony-that man is a master.

Turned out my churro lambs yesterday and was enjoying watching them run and jump-with are just too happy for this cold world and brought joy to my heart. Mia is coming to load hay for me today-I can do it but those bales are so heavy and I hurt all night after I load up-just a few bales but they aren't easy to handle. Soon I"ll start using my own hay again and it will be easy again but for now it is the good alfalfa and the lambs are doing so well-growing and thriving. The wind is blowing today, snow in the forecast, but the precipitation is at almost normal now-perhaps it will be a good summer with water.

Got the seed catalogues in the mail, laughed and threw them out. I think I'll plant a "handkerchief garden" with cucumbers, peppers and okra.

I"m working on porki's-sales have been hot and I need to get them done up and out of the freezer.

I'm wondering if Hillary gets elected Bill can be her vice president?

They lit up my life

THe electricians , those mythical fellows, showed up in a snowstorom and did a beautiful job to light up my barn. I quickly put dam canvas in the windows to stop the drafts that had been coming in and we were set. They worked tirelessly in the snow to get me going. THat was Thursday. Sunday morning I went to the barn and turned on the lights only to find that they flickered and died. I checked the breakers and they were off-flipped them only to have them go off again. Oops. I called them yesterday-they came again when it was so very cold, and got me going again. Hurrah! I am done lambing for awhile (I think) and so glad as it is so cold that my wondows are frosted over and I can't see the thermometer. THe nice man in the radio said it was 30 below at his house this morning-brrr!

TO go with the cold we had new snow, so I stayed home on Sunday-just tended my livestock. Yesterday morning Mia and Rachel checked on my and came for coffee. They helped my dig out my barn and Mia said he would help me load hay today. The bales from GUys are so heavy-I am strong but just can hardly life to 3rd cutting. Mia can load the truck for me with several days feed and I'll be set for awhile. Dode and Bridgett came to visit, just bringing cheer and kindness and we ventured out to the barn to see the lambs. Most are turned out but my churro girls-all with black ewe lambs-are still in the nursery and so cute. Perhaps I'll dock them tomorrow if it isn't too cold and turn them out as well. Pat called and visited me a bit-said he wouldn't go to visit his father-these tough cowboys wimp out pretty easy. I let that one be, but did tell him he better go see his son and be a father to him. We'll see-at any rate, he was nice to call and nice to me as well. Guy, Janet and Hollis must be busy at home-nothing from that corner for awhile. WOnder how the trapping is going. I missed the coyotes again.

Had to cancel my wool listing on eb ay as the wool is snowed in the shop and the drifts won't let me get there-what a winter. Looking forward to spring in a big way now-surely it won't be long.

Saturday I went with Lynda and Polly to look at a horse for them-she was a pretty little paint mare, but spoiled and crooked in back. Told Polly she wouldn't work cause I know Polly would never make her mind and the mare would have the upper hand and keep it. I must find them an old gelding from a ranch-sure don't want to get them hurt. The girls are so kind to me, and we topped off the day with Chineese-it was fun.

Today is senoir Tuesday so I'll try to get the car started and venture off to town, visit my partner and collect my $5.00 for Deadwood. Then again, we may stay and play as we have $10.00 total to play with now-why not!

I think of a etching that said-even in the darkest of winter a tiny bit of spring lives in me-hurry spring!

Getting used to the sunshine

THe snow is falling in the Wind RIver Mountains today. My heart, however, is getting used to sunshine. I deeply miss my lifetime partner-no doubt about it, but I am also learning that my new found freedom is amazing. Just to go to the lamb barn and listen to the sounds-something that I have always loved to do-without wondering what is going on in the house in my absence is such a relief. My girlfriend is well schooled on having fun on no funds at all-and she is teaching me where to go for the greatest lunches on what days-where all the old farts hang out-who coffies where and the only thing we haven't done yet is go to the food bank! Yesterday we went to the casino for "senior Tuesday" and I found the largest gathering of blue hairs that I have ever seen at one time in one place. Of course, I was the youngest one there-he he-she called last night to plan our trip to Deadwood South Dakota in March on the bus for $69.00-rooms, meals and all. If we play our cards right we can use our senior Tuesday $5.00 for spending money when we get there.

I went to the first care conference for my husband at the nursing home yesterday, and he is getting along well. He has setteled in better than any of us expected, and is happy most of the time. THe staff is great with him, especially one gal who used to play at the ranch as a child. She knows how to redrect him just right. All the lights are slowly going off now and he is very medicated for calmness but did greet me with "Hi sheepherder" when he saw me yesterday. I had to laugh because he is enjoying the enviornment that is 70 percent female. They asked me at the conference if he was the kind of man who always pulled a chair out for a lady-WHAT?????It is strange to have him wearing sweat pants instead of levis, and tennis shoes with velcro ties instead of cowboy boots but he is confortable. He has lost 4 pounds in the time he has been there so I am thinking that I will take treats in occasionally. They said it would be okay, so I will make enough for all and it will be fun. I don't go there often-twice a week max-which I think is enough as I am busy here on the place and hoping that the children stop by occasionally as well.

It is strange to get used to myself as a partner-so I talk to myself all the time, and usually answer myself as well. I am an attentive listener, and can always hear what myself says, but don't always agree. But myself is used to that, and deals well with conflict for the most part. THe biggest decision myself makes now is what to eat and when-except, of course, for my lunch dates with my girlfriend-I can handle it.

The ups and the downs

Life is just a big mix of emotions now-I must get a direction and go for it! The sheep are keeping me busy enough, with the errands and the year end business to finish. I had only visited my partner once, and just couldn't find it in my heart to face him so yesterday it was off to visit. I found him smiling, and glad to see someone-for about two minutes, then he was off! He spent most of the time I was there walking around his new home as well as pushing the other residents around the room. It was the first time I had seen him in the light that I saw him in yesterday. He was so very disconnected, and I wondered if he had also been at home and I hadn't been able to see it. He had no idea who anyone was, nor did he care. His own world seemed to be absorbed by wheels -wheels on carts and wheels on chairs. He had scored new shoes-well-sort of new-tennis shoes of all things, and needed a shave again. I took him a picture book that I had made for him with his favorite people and things, which he didn't look at but I put it in the closet for him-perhaps later. As he was walking away from me I called him by name, loud enough that he had to hear, just to see if he knew his name. He did turn around after a bit and look at me.

The house is quiet, and I must admit that I am enjoying it. Jessie is somewhat lost, but she had become afraid of Rasty as he did strange things to her, moving her around and causing her to cry out from time to time. She is at my feet constantly, going from roon to room looking mournful. I am cleaning things, and have found $66.00 to date, some of it in a box of 270 shells. Time is passing, and I am okay. Lonesome? Yes. No longer worried though, I'll go on.

Friends have been wonderful, and even Rasty's sister-in-laws have checked in, after a few toddies-but have been supportive. Guy and Janet are on board and Hollis is just the greatest. I must do something super for him-as he goes above and beyond. THe old lady that we lease from called, and we had a great visit. Said she would go with me for another 10 years, as her last lease with Rasty was for 10 years as well and ends this year. I remember that day she and Rasty did the lease ten years ago and wonderred where they would be in ten years. Seems like yesterday. At least Anita is good.

Just one new set of twins since my last post, one black and one white ewe lamb. THey are precious.