the heartbeat is gone

Sometimes there is a person who is the center of something. Sometimes, very rarely, there is a person who is the center of everything. The heartbeat of the reservation, the center of everything is gone. He was a loving son, brother, husband, father, grandfather, friend, educator, spokesman, cultural leader and he was the Eagle Drum. He was taken like lightening from this earth and has gone on to a better life, but I don't know how anything can go on without him. He was met by his son "Catfish", his folks and all those whose music he provided at their passing. Nothing went on without John-ceremonies, Christmas programs, ball games, fasts, naming ceremonies, school days, and sweats. He brought the youth to the drum-his sons and many more learned the songs from him. In all the years I knew him he always had time for a hello and a hand shake, a kind word or a big joke. THe women loved him, but he worshiped his Alta, the love of his life. She and the drum came first. I've seen John sad, disappointed, heartbroken by the loss of friends (Lonnie Hoffman was a tough one) devastated by the loss of a son, but I've never seen John mean, unkind, crude or without the spirit of a warrior, a survivor. Perhaps that is why it is so unbelievable that he is no longer with us. I just don't know how the Arapahoe people, the reservation can go on without him, his songs, his spirit and his hearbteat. The beat of the drum was the beat of the reservation-who will sing. Only the wailers.

Me and Jess

Jessie gave me the heads up about 3 this morning-there was water in the yard-lots of it-heading for the basement quickly. I got my light and went to look-the ditch was overflowing clear back to the road. I couldn't get into where you can send the water south, but got to thinking something had to be bad wrong. Perhaps the tricksters had opened the headgate all the way-could the beans be flooding as well? I called the irrigators headquarters at 4-that was a dirty trick on my part but I wasn't going to the headgate by myself on a bet. Heard that the irrigator had shut his water off and left town (?) for a few days. Wonder where he shut it off at-top boss went to the headgate-hope he really shuts the water off. Did I mention that I hit the sidewalk on my left knee? Thanks Jess- I love you-you are a good dog.

I hate that she is so old-I have to touch her now to wake her up, and she always is startled when I do. She has seen her best days and has lots of good memories-she was a hard worker when she wanted to be, a sweet lover sometimes, and a fierce watch dog always.

Picked up my things from fair yesterday-kind of sad to see the quilts come down from the ceiling and the exhibits going out the door, many headed for state fair. We are in the "next year" mode now. Polly had to be exhausted-she did such a good job of keeping vigil over the fiber arts-what a trooper she is and exact on everything.

I tried to find my heroine in the sheep barn but she was there and gone already-I'll just have to call her. She is a super sheep showman-and a hard worker. I want to give her some colored sheep to show-she would work hard with them and hopefully have some fun. Last year the judge was hard on her-and this year she did a sweep-nearly. Way to go. Judging is one persons opinion on any one day-and that is hard for the kids that put so much time, effort and money into their projects all through the year. Parents are able (with luck) to keep them going from fair to fair with encouragement and praise and she has great parents. Good job Camille.

Darling daughter is taking the kids and going to Disney world-so glad. I was afraid she would bring them here and heaven knows how bored they would be-no museums, fancy restaurants, great rides, and this world is full of people who are multiracial, and there are even Methodists (divorced even) in the county. I am so proud of my little Christian daughter. We have the book, and it is our book, and it says just what we say it says, and everyone else who has a book is wrong and they are not good. She would make her Lutheran great grandparents proud, except for the fact that they have the Baptist book. Ohmygosh! I don't even want to glance at the book-it is all too overwhelming for me.

tough race!

It was a tough race-she did her best and I must admit, I campaigned her hard but the competition was tough-and little did I know that the competition was my friend. Well, she did it-and so did my friend! The rest of the story, is the peoples choice award for the fiber arts-Mary went to fair, at least her photo-and she loves to pose for photo opts. She looked her best, with a bright blue mat surrounding her sweet face. I gave all I saw directions to the booth, with instructions as to what Mary's number was and howe to vote. Some did-then there was Norma-I forgot-she said. Norma, how could you? Mary calls you Auntie Norma. Now, truthfully, I did not vote-thought it would be cheating and now I"m glad that I didn't. Mary tied with Bobbie's photo of sheep and a wagon-it was really well done, and I'm sure Mary will be pleased when I tell her.

Fair is just fun-I can't help it-I love fair. Never went to fair till I was grown-the Colorado mountains just aren't conducive to growing gardens, raising animals and such. When my girl was small we always participated, then after she was grown and gone I seldom even got the opportunity to go. This year I made a splash-spent several days down at the fair along with a couple more walk throughs. The poultry barn was the noisiest-the rabbit pens were the dirtiest the cattle barns were the emptiest, and the sheep barns were heaven. Somehow I missed the pig barns-and that is a good thing. I'm nearly Jewish when it comes to pigs. And the friends-oh the friends that I saw. We laughed and talked about old times, we lamented of things past, we cried together about things present, and left each other feeling brighter about tomorrow. This world is all about survival and how we do it is our choice, and I saw some of the bravest survivors walking tall. It was good.

The wool did well, the beadwork did too but I was disappointed in how it was (not) displayed. Everyone was less than happy about the new fair lady-the atmosphere was not like it used to be-tension in the air in the armory-hope next year the wrinkles get worked out.

Sadly, two losses this week. My friend Mary Bates lost her daughter-a brave and tough girl who I loved as my own, and my "son" Scott found dead last night. I know both are in a good place, but will be so missed. Mary and I had a good visit and plans are in order for a birthday party for an old cowboy friend next weekend-that will surely help. We all need happy get togethers. I have expected Scott's news since I've known him, as some are too gentle for this world and he was surely that way but we've shared many good times and bad, and he loved Rasty like a father-"the old guy" he called him. Scott and I have shared many breakfasts together as for years he was our "night man" in the lamb barn and a better helper could not be found. He had a degree in engineering, graduating with a's all the way through-he knew the bible inside and out, was so kind and forgiving and never judged his fellow man. He ran to my aid when I was in trouble and made jokes that brought tears to your eyes. He loved sheep, always naming them, making splints for their broken legs, the only one in the world that fed my bums for me when I was at work and could live on a dollar for a month. I love you Scott-and I know you are with God. Hope I see you again.

my new old prefession

Last time I tried this It just didn't work-we'll try again. My new old profession is a hooker-yes- a hooker. I've been hooking the saddle pads, at least learning how. My pad just looked tacky- really bad. I looked closely at the beautiful one that my instructor Anita took to fair and figured out some of what I have been doing wrong. Excited, I got home and tried it again and YES! It works and looks better. Her roving has a little Churro wool in it-enough to make thee wool shinny, and mine has no CHurro-as I haven't taken my Churro over to the mill yet. Need to do that-she is a master-can't believe how even and perfect her stitches are. She truly is an artisan-and such a kind person.
Had a fun lunch with Norma, Lynda, Polly, Skip, and Charles Saturday at the Red Willow cafe, in the casino, The special was prime sand, and they were to die for. We all had the same thing, and our pretty and sweet waitress made it too much fun. We were happy to find they are open for lunch-thinking it was just evenings, and it was not more expensive than anywhere else for a great feed. We'll try that again one day. The time flew by, and we just spent most of it chewing and laughing.

Plans are looking great for our booth at the casino-Annette and her son have joined me so we will have her star quilts and carvings by her son as well as quill work bracelets and feathers from Minnesota and beadwork.

This week I'm going to Thermopolis to check out their alz facility-much more staff to client ratio, brand new facility, and 800 a month less in dollars. We may make this move-I think I am the only visitor, and 800 can buy a lot of gasoline. I love the staff here, there just aren't enough of them. They talk a great line, but just don't have the staff to complete things. My partner is going slowly and so I need to figure for the long haul-no shelter of assets as even what is mine is his I am told. Visits will be less often, but he won't notice and I may be able to accomplish more at home as well. He is forgotten except for me and baby boy Pat, who is going to move down south to work for the winter. It is the thing to do I think.

So nice to look on a green world-thank heaven for the moisture.

wonderful visit

Sunday brought a great surprise. My old, and I mean old friend came to say hi. Virginia Sutter is one of those heriones of mine. She was elected to the Northern Arapahoe Tribal Council not once, but twice. SHe served never. Every time she got elected she got ousted the same, or nearly the same day. She is just too wise forher own good. How could she daare to suggest that all tribal pay advances be paid up, that all tribal travel be canceled and that all personal tribal loans be paid up? She could probably run the rez in the black and do a good job. SHe was quick to forgive personal errors, but also quick to give criticism. There were times when hher life was in jepordy, and she left at the right time. Since then she has been getting western tribes health programs up and going, now working in Nevada with a rehab center. So good to visit her, her sister and daughter and know they are doing well. I value her friendship and wish I could see more of her. I've known her for 35 years, and she isn't a bit older than she ever was. Her kids are nearly as old as I am and she looks 60. We talked about the Sun Dance and the kids. Later I went up to the Sun Dance Grounds and visited for a bit,. It was quiet so I came home, and didn't return. At sunset I went outside and smelled the cedar and the sage-it was resstful and peaceful.

Blogs

In times of laziness, I read the "next blog" and find it fun to be invited into other lives. Sometimes they are even in English. Just had to laugh, one woman talks about "he who must be obeyed" in her blog. Back to my previous post about relationships-where do you guess this one is? I am now "she who obeys no one."

Heroines

A ha-yes. There are a few heroines in the west-they are my inspiration. Of course, there are Lynda and Polly. They are so brave, not afraid to be who they are and not afraid to show the world that they are what they are. Their relationship is to be despised by some, desired by others. Never have I seen a marriage that is as good as theirs, a relationship where the two really care for the others feelings above all else, their sole purpose in living is to provide help, solace and support for the other. The life they lead is one of giving, loving and helping for others as well, and they are so kind. I can see the drumstick of the chicken gone uneaten, for each would wait for the other one to eat it. To visit them is to visit one person with two separate mouths-they tell a story in pieces, each taking a turn, swapping off till they finially get done-bouncing it back and fourth like a giant ball till it finially rolls away. Watching them work is more fun-one person with four hands-Polly the tiniest but using all she has, Lynda the stronger, always wearing a smile. They put a face on the "gay rights" for me, and I am thankful that they did for I must believe they are a match made in heaven. I am so thankful for them both, and so proud to call them my friends.