Rocky and Dion

Saturday was the day I told my friend Rocky Oneil goodby. I saw him in the Lander hospital about a month ago, and thanked him for saving my life once with a bottle of wine. I was so hung over-back in my drinking day, and working a roping. Raock and Pat and the kids came, and when he saw how sick he was he quickly returned with a bottle of wine-hair of the dog-and the day went from bad to wonderful. That is the only time I ever tried hair of the dog-and I am so glad that I outgrew stuff like that-but it sure did fix me up that morning. ROack and Pat and I have been freinds for years and years-raised our kids together and cussed and cried together. Pat is strong, and she is so blessed with the most beautiful grandchildren in the world. My heart breaks for her as she loved ROcky so much, and knew that he loved her, but she will be okay. I miss Rasty so much when I need a shoulder to cry on-I think that is the hardest part. I have had to tell some good friends goodby since Rasty has been gone, and it is so hard.

Dion called yesterday and we talked for over an hour. The kids are doing so well, and Dion is, and always will be a son to me. Trey will be home for Christmas and is doing okay at West Point-of course he is finding it so much harder that high school but he hads the brain powder to do it and the support of great folks too. I cried when he told me that he thought I was the perfect granny to his kids. I love them all.

rez fires

The recent rez fires remind me of the year that 300 tons of our hay burned up. The situation was so similar-it was in the fall, October, and there were several neighboring haystack fires-all of them set. At that time the fire marshal determined that it had been set-I called the Sheriffs dept and asked that it was investigated-it never was. The sheriff later wrote me a letter in response to my letter to the commissioners, saying he never knew we had a fire. I certainly hope there is some resolution to these fires.

The class is down to 5 now-but well worth going to. It is better with just a few as we are really becoming comrades-lots of work to do this time. Interestingly, I have a great credit rating-it helps to never use it I guess. Thank heavens for my past-I wonder what the future will hold-as does all of Wall Street. I'm going to Sabrina's teleconference tonight-she is wonderful- it will be fun.

JOe Mc went home-it was a good thing as he suffered with A L S-services Friday and I"ll go to represent Rasty-they rode many trails together and Jennifer is so out of the west-she is a character for sure but has always been so good to me and to Jenny. She is tough as nails and will be fine-and I love her for that. I always remember when she was running barrels, went off on the first barrel, the horse continued the pattern dragging her along by the stirrup and she got up at the finish line-just fine! A few hoof prints decorated her clothes but she didn't miss a step!

They were bowling at the nursing home yesterday-there is a lively group now with some new additions-Mr. Kenton enjoyed it and would kick the beach ball when it came close to make a striker for the other players. Rasty would not play and was not happy-he went to the lounge chair with much help and took a nap. His hands are nearly useless now-I think he is developing contractures from not using them. No signs of recognition in his eyes now-the babbling has become worse but the cuss words still come out loud and clear. WHY???????

THe Jehovas WItnesses came today-they were fun-I nearly didn't let them go as they were company and a nice diversion. Okay-it is back to work. I have my deck looking good-just need to give the ramp one more coat of miniwax and we'll be set.

weekend

What a fun weekend it was. Saturday I went to a big lunch with friends and we visited and visited and visited. Sunday, lunch again with others, and I came home to the most wonderful site. My corrals were full of cows and the yard was full of cowboys. The Fridays had gathered their cows, and as always, had used our place to load out. THey called but when no one was home they assumed, and rightly, that it would be okay. Woodrow was there with his toy 4 wheeler, a rope thrown in, and Baby Sandy is 6 feet tall now but still gives the best hugs to his Granny Sue. Sandy and Donna have done such a fine job of raising kids, and we all enjoyed the apple tree before they left. How good to have a visit from old friends and their youngsters-nice to catch up on the happenings and rerun old times as well. It helped lessen the abandonment feelings that haunt me.

THe class sadly is down to 6 of us-we are too needy to give up, and it is just getting better and better as time goes by. Wish I had known as a youth that classes could be fun-may have done more of it then.

Norma took the bank trip to New Mexico-so glad for her. I'm anxious to hear about it.

New things

The sad news is that my partner is suffering side effects from his antipsychotic drugs-he is starting to use involuntary movements of the mouth, licking his chops and babbling-so very hard to see. It is just starting and I checked with the on duty nurse, perhaps the meds can be changed-perhaps not. I hate it, and I hate it and I hate it. His appetite is still excellent-he has put on some weight but that is the only good report. THe good thing is that he no longer cares what goes on around him, paying no attention to what, where, who or how he is. That seems to say that in a strange way the disease gets kinder at some point. He is in no pain, that is a good thing. If he was in pain, he would not know it. Perhaps that is a good thing too. It makes me tired, very tired.

Someone became interested in the insurance for the place, 7 months after my policy had been canceled due to nonpayment and I picked it up for $1400. THe $7 per acre offer seems to be paying off with the beans-great.

Texas woke up and called-what a surprise. She asked how I was and I said better- did she wonder if I was sick? But thankfully I am much better and almost back to where I was a long time ago. Sadly, my giveadamn is still basically broke.

I need to get to the mountains again, or to the rim. Perhaps this weekend.

Oh Happy Day!

Today was the day I have been looking for! It was to the mountains today! Yes! To the mountains! The air was clean, the water was clear, the sun was bright and the wind was friendly. The smells were mellow, the sounds were to behold and the company couldn't have been better. I picked up two rocks and two chips, I climbed some hills, huffed and puffed and came back down. I took so many pictures and watched as Veronica fished. I had never been to BUll Lake before, and it is truly a pklace of beauty and mystery as well. How I wanted to go to the other side of it and check out those huge cliffs. What fun to rent a plane-maybe one day. Veronica added to the fun by telling me stories about the lake and the fisherman of old times-her stories are to behold-she has heard the stories of the past from the elders and imbedded them and I am thankful that she shares them with me.

the heartbeat is gone

Sometimes there is a person who is the center of something. Sometimes, very rarely, there is a person who is the center of everything. The heartbeat of the reservation, the center of everything is gone. He was a loving son, brother, husband, father, grandfather, friend, educator, spokesman, cultural leader and he was the Eagle Drum. He was taken like lightening from this earth and has gone on to a better life, but I don't know how anything can go on without him. He was met by his son "Catfish", his folks and all those whose music he provided at their passing. Nothing went on without John-ceremonies, Christmas programs, ball games, fasts, naming ceremonies, school days, and sweats. He brought the youth to the drum-his sons and many more learned the songs from him. In all the years I knew him he always had time for a hello and a hand shake, a kind word or a big joke. THe women loved him, but he worshiped his Alta, the love of his life. She and the drum came first. I've seen John sad, disappointed, heartbroken by the loss of friends (Lonnie Hoffman was a tough one) devastated by the loss of a son, but I've never seen John mean, unkind, crude or without the spirit of a warrior, a survivor. Perhaps that is why it is so unbelievable that he is no longer with us. I just don't know how the Arapahoe people, the reservation can go on without him, his songs, his spirit and his hearbteat. The beat of the drum was the beat of the reservation-who will sing. Only the wailers.

Me and Jess

Jessie gave me the heads up about 3 this morning-there was water in the yard-lots of it-heading for the basement quickly. I got my light and went to look-the ditch was overflowing clear back to the road. I couldn't get into where you can send the water south, but got to thinking something had to be bad wrong. Perhaps the tricksters had opened the headgate all the way-could the beans be flooding as well? I called the irrigators headquarters at 4-that was a dirty trick on my part but I wasn't going to the headgate by myself on a bet. Heard that the irrigator had shut his water off and left town (?) for a few days. Wonder where he shut it off at-top boss went to the headgate-hope he really shuts the water off. Did I mention that I hit the sidewalk on my left knee? Thanks Jess- I love you-you are a good dog.

I hate that she is so old-I have to touch her now to wake her up, and she always is startled when I do. She has seen her best days and has lots of good memories-she was a hard worker when she wanted to be, a sweet lover sometimes, and a fierce watch dog always.

Picked up my things from fair yesterday-kind of sad to see the quilts come down from the ceiling and the exhibits going out the door, many headed for state fair. We are in the "next year" mode now. Polly had to be exhausted-she did such a good job of keeping vigil over the fiber arts-what a trooper she is and exact on everything.

I tried to find my heroine in the sheep barn but she was there and gone already-I'll just have to call her. She is a super sheep showman-and a hard worker. I want to give her some colored sheep to show-she would work hard with them and hopefully have some fun. Last year the judge was hard on her-and this year she did a sweep-nearly. Way to go. Judging is one persons opinion on any one day-and that is hard for the kids that put so much time, effort and money into their projects all through the year. Parents are able (with luck) to keep them going from fair to fair with encouragement and praise and she has great parents. Good job Camille.

Darling daughter is taking the kids and going to Disney world-so glad. I was afraid she would bring them here and heaven knows how bored they would be-no museums, fancy restaurants, great rides, and this world is full of people who are multiracial, and there are even Methodists (divorced even) in the county. I am so proud of my little Christian daughter. We have the book, and it is our book, and it says just what we say it says, and everyone else who has a book is wrong and they are not good. She would make her Lutheran great grandparents proud, except for the fact that they have the Baptist book. Ohmygosh! I don't even want to glance at the book-it is all too overwhelming for me.