We'll try the new post one more time

DIdn't get off the ground last time I tried to post-we'll try again. At the Riverton hospital once again, dehydration and pneumonia, as well as whatever that new bug is that everyone has in hospitals and nursing homes. As it is, we are in quarantine (I don't know how to spell that) but it means gowns and gloves. My partner is unable to get up and out of bed, but able only to cuss and fight at top speed. The nurses all ask what he used to do before he got sick-part of me wants to tell them that he was a Baptist preacher-a state senator, had his own radio talk show where he diagnosed peoples sex problems- a florist-I can think of all sorts of responses to the question. I say-rancher and they say-GIvens-oh yes- Britt's dad?

I've been at odds with everyone for poor care, and in some cases too much care, and have decided the only way to handle it is to wait till he gets dismissed from the hospital and get set up to do hospice at the house. His good doctor is only on staff at the nursing home and the Lander Hospital and we are at RIverton with a Mexican doctor who is 21 and gave me a 3 minute crash course on the disease-yeah-right. She quickly explained to me that he could last 1-2 years as his heart is strong- but he has basically quit eating-will take a few bites only to spit or blow the food out after that. Hospice promises help and I have two ladies who are also agreeable to help-our little educated doctor can't seem to see the hand righting on the wall or refuses to look. Hospice has told me that the thing to say is "comfort care only"but at that point the hospital will refuse service and discharge immediately. dr. MIller is on board with me and my plans and will discharge from the nursing home to our house when I am ready. Hollis has promised to help with the sheep-which are low care now-and I left a sign-up sheet at the hospital for the kids (yeah-right). Janet has pledged her support but only to help me, not to help with her father-in-law- and I respect that and I am in agreement with it. SHe loves him dearly and I don't want her to have to see him in that light. THis is the only kind way I see to come to the inevitable natural course of the disease and without a doubt he is ready.

Ethete ball players are at state tourney-"last one to leave Ethete turn out the lights" but both boy's and girls lost their games yesterday so a few might stay home this time. Looks like it is Wind River this year-that would be nice for a great ball team.

I had a good visit with the granny of the little boy in Riverton who needs a liver transplant-they are looking at a 5 year waiting list. SHe told me Tianna was her hero and I must call Josie and get them together-it would be fun and Tianna could help the little boy just with her smile.

Shy came through-Moses is proud. I'll put in photos next time. GOd is good!

All the new faces

Let the games begin

WHat fun-district tournament time for basketball-the greatest sport on the rez. Another chance to watch my super hero Al Redman as coach again-the charter school hired him and he has been trying to make a ball team out of kids that are just now learning the skills. Sadly, most of the team are seniors, but I had to go "watch on". Last night was a hearbreaker-the boys were just not hitting-they did hustle, as Al's teams always do-but couldnt score and were tromped by Burlington. Today they played their big rivals, St. Stephens- a darn good team that has been years in the making. Oh how I wanted a win for them. The last game between the two was canceled due to threatening phone calls from St. Stephens-ohmygosh! Well, of course, I got there late this morning, but could have sworn that there was a meeting of the Wyoming Peace Officers going on there instead of a ball game. I sat with AL and Sandra C'Bearing-Al suggested that free donuts must have been offered! The entire front of the field house was nothing but cop cars. At any rate, John Redman (another hero) was assisting in the coaching duties, and Tom Elk Redman playing for his gramps. It was a ball game-what I wanted to see once again. The boys were hot and had the lead for a little while. They ended up with a loss, but what a great bunch of kids who never quit trying. Al brings out the best in them-and usually their short ball seasons end up being a big part of their lives. HIs style at the games is so laid back, he got up three times during the game, and never does he holler or belittle the kids at a game. I had to laugh-they have no cheerleaders, barely have enough players for a team, but the crowd usually has a leader who starts a cheer and all join in. THe big guy got up-started his "give me a W- give me an A-give me a r-give me another r-give me an o-give me an i-give me a r-give me an s-and the crowd followed. I thought it was a mistake, accidental, till the 15th time that he did it-got home and got the dictionary thinking that many people couldn't be wrong-welllll-why do you think they call it charter high school? Another collsolation game in the morning, I think- I'll go cheer for the WARROIRS!

THe chiefs are playing at RIverton, with their big champoinship game with Wind RIver-it will be a packed house but I'll try to hit that one too. Didn't get to the games this year like I had planned-so cold and dark at night-but I"ll do my best for the last ones.

One more lamb today-a little black girl just as sweet as can be-a yearling mother who loves her-God is Good.

If my life is to go on I have to make it happen, and I shall! Drifts are melting and my personal fog is lifting and I am going to be fine!

so much to say-so little time

I think of Peanuts and the Dear Diary-or was that Little LULU? At any rate, the days have gone by and things are getting to seem normal on the home front. I have been living in a pig pen-not taking the time to pick up or clean-the kitchen floor was a combination of sheep barn and dust-quills all over the counters and the stove. Polly and Lynda called Friday night to say they were coming to visit on Saturday-OOPS! thE WHITE TORNADO CAME AND BOY DID i GET A LOT DONE-THE KITCHEN SCRUBBED, THE BATHROOMS, THE CARPET, WASHED THE WINDOWS AND even cleaned the ice box. I put a pot of beans on with the ham bone left from the Antelopes and I felt so good. THey came with pizza as well and we visited and they, of course, visited the sheep as well. They brought Bobbi, I was so glad as she doesn't travel as a rule, but she had a big smile and a great camera for pictures. The wind was furious, and she sheep were shy-as even the Llamas were shy, but we had fun. I was happ[y to have a clean house, and have been good at keeping it that way all day today. Company was just what I needed. The only difficult time was when we all sat at the table to eat-no one wanting to take the "Rasty seat"-perfectly understandable, of course. As quick as they left I took a nap-exhausted but happy.

Today I went to the nursing home as I hadn't been there since Wednesday. Polly went Friday. Rasty needed a haircut and I had decided to try it as I have cut his hair for 22 years now and he always sat so still and good for me. He was sleeping in his bed, and too tired to wake up. I decided I would go eat lunch and come back to help him with his lunch later, and when I came back he was still sleeping, in Mr. Shorts room, and I sat with him on the bed and visited him. He had refused lunch and was just so tired. One of the nurses came in and helped me get him to the dining room and I fed him a little, but he refused to eat much. He has gotten extremely thin and is not swallowing his food but "pocketing " it-like a chipmunk. Not good signs, but part of the process. At any rate, I did get his hair cut-a bad job-but it is cut-three days will help-it always does help a bad cut. I got a smile before I left, and an "I love you"-worth it all.

Spring keeps staying around the corner-the winds have been cold and the drifts are still big-but it will happen one day. Next week is regional basketball and I"m going-it will be fun. Go Cheifs!

Without a friend

My heart is so heavy-yesterday the wind came up terribly and I was in town. I drove home 30 miles an hour on sheet ice with a prayer in my heart all the way. Later I worried about Janet making it home from Lander, and Guy called to say she was at Milford on the way. I had a feeling of dread-and thought it was because my partner was acting so very badly. This morning Veronica called on her way to work, and my dear friends were killed in a head on on 17 mile just a short time after I got home. Betty Mae was just a delight-she did beautiful beadwork-she would put her grandchildren to bed and bead in the night when no one would bother her beads. She tirelessly worked on dresses, moccasons earrings and anything else that she could put beads on. She made moccasins for both my grandchildren and turtles for their navels as well. She was a Cheyenne and gave me insite into their beliefs and culture and mostly she gave me her love. We spent many happy hours together visiting and telling stories-hers usually began with "I was making fry bread" or "I was cutting dried meat". She was a diamond, and her husband was still so in love with her. THey often walked to the post office together and would sit in the circle and visit before going home. I will hold that picture of the two of them in my heart for it is priceless. She died at the scene and he at the hospital. They, like me, had gone to town on a beautiful day and were caught in the ground blizzard on the way home. Their son called this afternoon to see if I knew-I was glad that I already did know when he called. I wish so that I had someone to cry with-I will go to visit tomorrow if the roads let me. The wind is blowing again tonight very hard, this time a west wind.

Grandma Helen Cedar Tree is at the nursing home-=95 years of legend. I visit her on my way in and my way out each time, and she smiles when I say Toas Newah and gives me a Toas as well and we exchange hugs. Yesterday she asked me what my Indian name is- I told her I couldn't say it, but is meant "works all the time" and asked hers-she told me, and I asked her what it meant. SHe told me "Lives a long time". Later one of her grandchildren said her name translates to Strong Old WOman- for sure! She told me her sister was there, and asked if I'd seen her. I fear her sister is coming to take her home, for she has passed many years ago.

The Arapaho people have made my life so much richer-my job at the post office was a great experience and for once in my life I felt like I really belonged where I was. Usually I just feel like I ended up where I am, not that I really belong. Perhaps thats why I am not looking for employment yet-perhaps soon, but I'll try to find a place where I belong.

I love to blog-it is talking to yourself and sorting things out while you go.

We will sell some equipment at the Weber sale in March-Guy is being good to me- I think- and feeling more like the old GUy-talking farming and calving and B I A and neighbors. I had him help me dock the last 5 lambs-perhaps I am done now.

Poor Polly and Lynda spend the best part of each day just digging out on the Sweetwater-I pity them. My life is easy.

Good night John Boy, Good night Mary Ellen, GOod night, Moon.

THe Wine

What a fine evening- the Irish Catholic nun in the neighborhood invited me to "Fat Tuesday" dinner-a real treat. She is a dear who deserves so much more than the parrish she has-we have been friends for years and the evening was so enjoyable. We discussed everything and nearly everyone over a bottle of the best wine-going home the cops were at the service station-I put both hands on the steering wheel and looked straight ahead-thinking-if they stop me I'll just mumble I went to communion!

Friend Norma went to Ft.Collins for a few days and got home today. She had a great time but was glad to get home-we celebrated with lunch as I missed her! I told her I wondered if they threw her in jail as she was going to come home Monday. She needed the break!

Went to visit my partner, brought him new pictures of the grandbabies in Texas, which he took a bite of. One of our favorite care givers had her arm in a sling-explaining to me that Rasty had twisted her arm and separated her muscle at the shoulder. SHe, in her pain, was forgiving and kind even then. SHe called for the male helper to work with him though. He never acknowledged my being there or spoke anything. THey said he refused lunch and decided not to push it-good idea. After I got home someone called while I was doing chores and said he had hit one of the residents with something-but all was calm now. The deterioration is tremendous in the past month, with weight loss as well. Dehydration was apparent today but I let everything slide as I pitied everyone there greatly. THey are masters at what they do, and their knowledge is so much more than all the books that I've read contain-we talked at length about the disease and how it manifests itself.

THe wind came up while I waas in town and covered the road with sheet ice all the way home, the sheep had put themselves in the barn and the llamas were right behind them. How I love the barn, and the man who built it. I will turn loose of that man, because I love him and I'll give to someone greater than I am what is left.

What to give up for Lent? Perhaps cussing would be good. WE'll see!

The Day I have been looking for

Today is the day I have been looking for. I felt good all day-even loaded 10 bales of hay on the truck without hurting. Me and advil have become best firends, bot today was a good one. I'll take my advil before bed tonight, just in case, but it felt good today to be doing things. I discovered I had unplugged the phone, so I called the nursing home to be sure all was well and they said yes-my partner didn't get to sleep till 1:00 a.m., so he was tired but well today. That was all I needed to decide to stay home and get with things here. I worked on my porki's and did a few minor chores in the house. My little yearling churro, Bella's daughter lambed for me-I've been watching her but with all that wool no bag was visible. I went to the barn to chore early tonight and there she was, just as happy as could be. Mom , uncle and Granny all checked out the baby and she jugged with no problem-trid to suckle the lamb, who is sooo tiny, but pretty sure she had already been there. How I love sheep. Today I watched the mama llama just kissing a little black lamb-and m.l. came to see the new baby too. Mary is so good at keeping Shy out of the corrall-I think she will be excellent at guarding too.

Mia and Hollis will load some of Guy's third cutting from the field for me on Monday-a gift I guess and the sheep will be pleased. Tonight I'll try to set up shearing for March .

Tomorrow I better go to town and check things out again- but my girlfriend is off on a visit so I'll skip dinner. Lynda and Polly went to look at a horse today-I am so afraid that Polly will get herself in a wreck-couldn't stand that, but she is determined so I hope it all works out for her.

Jenny called last night and told me the whole story about her broken leg, still wearing a rod, screws and a plate in her leg-I could hardly stand for her to tell me about it. But she rides every day in good weather, and remains determined.

Got the nicest package from a dear friend in Montana, a candle, some Montana blend coffee, homemade lavender soap and a candle, also a Sheep magazine. She said, take a long hot bath, brew some coffee, light the candle and look at the magazine! How Sweet.