Without a friend

My heart is so heavy-yesterday the wind came up terribly and I was in town. I drove home 30 miles an hour on sheet ice with a prayer in my heart all the way. Later I worried about Janet making it home from Lander, and Guy called to say she was at Milford on the way. I had a feeling of dread-and thought it was because my partner was acting so very badly. This morning Veronica called on her way to work, and my dear friends were killed in a head on on 17 mile just a short time after I got home. Betty Mae was just a delight-she did beautiful beadwork-she would put her grandchildren to bed and bead in the night when no one would bother her beads. She tirelessly worked on dresses, moccasons earrings and anything else that she could put beads on. She made moccasins for both my grandchildren and turtles for their navels as well. She was a Cheyenne and gave me insite into their beliefs and culture and mostly she gave me her love. We spent many happy hours together visiting and telling stories-hers usually began with "I was making fry bread" or "I was cutting dried meat". She was a diamond, and her husband was still so in love with her. THey often walked to the post office together and would sit in the circle and visit before going home. I will hold that picture of the two of them in my heart for it is priceless. She died at the scene and he at the hospital. They, like me, had gone to town on a beautiful day and were caught in the ground blizzard on the way home. Their son called this afternoon to see if I knew-I was glad that I already did know when he called. I wish so that I had someone to cry with-I will go to visit tomorrow if the roads let me. The wind is blowing again tonight very hard, this time a west wind.

Grandma Helen Cedar Tree is at the nursing home-=95 years of legend. I visit her on my way in and my way out each time, and she smiles when I say Toas Newah and gives me a Toas as well and we exchange hugs. Yesterday she asked me what my Indian name is- I told her I couldn't say it, but is meant "works all the time" and asked hers-she told me, and I asked her what it meant. SHe told me "Lives a long time". Later one of her grandchildren said her name translates to Strong Old WOman- for sure! She told me her sister was there, and asked if I'd seen her. I fear her sister is coming to take her home, for she has passed many years ago.

The Arapaho people have made my life so much richer-my job at the post office was a great experience and for once in my life I felt like I really belonged where I was. Usually I just feel like I ended up where I am, not that I really belong. Perhaps thats why I am not looking for employment yet-perhaps soon, but I'll try to find a place where I belong.

I love to blog-it is talking to yourself and sorting things out while you go.

We will sell some equipment at the Weber sale in March-Guy is being good to me- I think- and feeling more like the old GUy-talking farming and calving and B I A and neighbors. I had him help me dock the last 5 lambs-perhaps I am done now.

Poor Polly and Lynda spend the best part of each day just digging out on the Sweetwater-I pity them. My life is easy.

Good night John Boy, Good night Mary Ellen, GOod night, Moon.