fur side inside-skin side outside

It is an inside out day-two shirts-two hats, a string of clothes all over the house and lots of boots of all colors, sizes and kinds. Were not gonna weaken and we'll get through it. At last, a nap-a good nap. Hurrah! Haloween brought snow and fog, and Sweet Sally weathered out-don't blame her as the construction is tricky even in the sunshine. I again canceled my appointments and dug in for the day. Caught up on correspondence and that is all-can't turn my back on the partner today unless he is sleeping. I am fortunate to have the bestest friends in the whole world and the prettiest sheep and llamas and the smartest dogs and the oldest cat. God Bless America.

new tricks

Each day presents new tricks- but we have had some splended days. Friday went so well, my partner was really good while we got the sheep sorted and sent to town. He stayed outside and nearby and acted interested for awhile. Guy and Hollis were super, even after I surprised them with great big juicy kisses for helping with the horses. Guy allowed as-not to worry-I've been kissed by lots worse-he really made me giggle. One thing I do know-when I need help with livestock I have the best help with livestock in the country-and I am blessed! The horses being gone gave me a chance to turn mama llama and Mary out into the corral-for which they were gleeful. I am hoping that the baby will form a bond with the triplets, but for now she knows that they are children of a lesser God. They are short and have no necks and are covered with short curly stuff-they can't run and kick and jump near as high and they cry for their mother all the time. Mary did eat rolled corn out of my hand-she nuzzeled my fingers oh so gently and I touched her neck oh so gently. DOn't know when I have enjoyed a little one as much as I enjoy her-and her mother is so kind and sweet-absolutely amazing animals. Sunday brought a visit with friend Steve, for whom I am ever thankful. He was recharged from his trip and always a great story teller-he brought dinner that will do for the rest of the week. He is a hero! Rasty did some new tricks while Steve was here, but saved the best for this morning when he put a paper napkin on top of his hot cake, poured syrip on top and began to eat. Another new thing is rearranging the furniture-raiding the drawers has diminished. He has begun to interact with the television-I seldom have it on now when he is up but he doesn't understand that the action is not happening in the living room-only on the television. I am continually amazed by the many ways in which this disease manifests itself-even more frightened and horrified at what it does to a brain. The biggest saving grace is-the smile is still there-one has to look for it and pull it out sometimes, but it is there. That is the blessing.

my jeans

Never have I considered myself fussy-you can drink from my coffee cup, steal my pocket knife and gloves and even pee on the bathroom floor-but stay out of my jeans! Last night I left my jeans on the shower rod to dry and this morning my mate was in my jeans-and a pair of his as well. That has happened before, so when I go to bed I hide my pair that I take off. 5:30 in the morning there he was-getting into my jeans and I came untrained. By 7 I got him out of both pairs and back to bed, for about 15 minutes and I successfully hid the jeans. He retaliated by not going outside to help with anything and said "no" to every and any thing I asked him. I don't blame him. There was a day when I wished he would get into my jeans, and I can still remember it. MY how things change.

Guy came and got the horses in the 15 minutes that his dad was down-I am glad they are gone, and it wasn't noticed at all. It was a "Sally day"-hurrah-except for the construction that took 45 minutes longer for her to get here, and 45 minutes longer for me to get home. I had to run from errand to errand but it was a joy and I had lunch with an old girlfriend whose husband has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's as well-her life is really hard and getting harder by the day. We shopped and got her a lock for her door as he ran to Kmart at 5 a.m. two mornings ago-the manager called her to come and get him and she didn't know yet that he had escaped. He still drives but frequently gets lost.

Dode came for a great visit-he is so happy and it is wonderful to see. I am thankful he has found a partner-and such a nice one with a nice family. Father Apel also came to visit from Colorado-one of the truly most fine people that has hit the planet. He is between jobs and resting-much needed rest. Left us to visit Lydia Harris at Diversion Dam. She too is a Jewel. All in all we had a great day, but my partner never improved his mood and refused to help with the sheep tonight. When I get back into the house he had eaten half the box of hamburger helper sauce out of the envelope and was wearing the other half on his shirt and jeans (yes-his jeans).

TOmorrow is the sheep sale and Guy will take some of my "expendables" to the sale for me-I'll cut down on the oddfellows and go for a lamb crop instead with year. Don't look for much of a sale at Riverton, but I do have some nice lambs and some very, very big wethers-we'll see.

Mild seas

Beautiful days, topped by smiles and sunshine-what more is there to want? Cool mornings with ice on the water buckets have proven that it is late fall, snow is on the mountaintops and the dogs are furry. The horses, however aren't hairing up so maybe winter won't bring terrible cold. The triplets and the cria are doing so well-tomorrow the horses will be in the pasture and I can let them out into the corral for the day, putting them in the barn at night. I can hardly wait to see them run and play. Thursday is my "free day" with no plans other than the accountant in RIverton. Friday I'm taking some of the expendable sheep to the sale barn to cut down on the flock somewhat but I have over 900 bales of hay so things are looking good. No front ramp yet-got to check with the ramp builder and get another one perhaps. The weekend brought good visits from old friends and brightened the spirits here. I feel like we can handle life again-love the locks on the doors as I sleep much better now-a great security blanket. SO far-this week is a piece of cake! THanks, Creator!

that other season

Fast now it is becoming winter. The leaves have flown off the trees on the river, taking all the color with them. I have locks on the outside doors now so my partner can't sneak outside at night-that is good. Made me rest much better last night. He hasn't noticed yet, and even the installation went unnoticed-except he used it as his last chance to escape. Yesterday morning he managed to put his legs into his shirt sleeves-came out with the cuffs buttoned around his ankles holding the collar up to his waist. I don't think I could do that, but he was having difficulty walking very fast. He is very calm today, even with a rain/snow storm raging outside. I am thankful. First born child came yesterday evening for about 2 hours-he enjoyed it and I did too. I took a nap-a much needed nap. I am trying to be happy today, but I get so lonesome for my dad-the one who I could really really visit with-my cousin called and he has actually no one but a sister. He is working on developing a social life and has joined Rotary in Medford. We talk about lonesome together sometimes-he is a good man and probably was too good for any woman. He is a gentle sort, we must become closer in our later years. We can comisserate.

match made in Heaven

Today it really happened. This tiny little angel walked in my door and stood toe to toe to my husband and started up a conversation that didn't quit! Our helper is great! TIny, white haired, full of fire and just right for the job. They got along great, and he was pleased. SHe kept him occupied and busy, even though the weather was cold and windy. I went to Lander and got errands done, leisurely and pleasantly and came home just in time to open the gate for the sheep. Promised to be here next Wednesday and I think she really will be. Bless her, she has a son 41 who is skitzo-has to stay on meds or he hears voices. SHe says she will have him till one of them dies. And here she is helping me....he has a day job at community entrty services but she has him the rest of the time.

Hope friend Steve is traveling okay and not in too much weather. Lynda is coming out Saturday to visit-I am going to tribal court tomorrow to try to help a friend. Hope it turns out okay-kind of scary. Wish they had asked me sooner but they came over tonight-kind of sticking my nose where it doesn't belong, but they are in the right so I should try it.

THe leaves are mostly gone now, but it has been splendid-the cria is growing so fast. Found some great Llama facts on the net-will study more soon. Judy says she will come Friday at 5 for a few hours-a nap might be in store then-we'll see.


Each night when I put my partner to bed we say the Lords Prayer together-he is so good at the AMEN. SO-AMEN!

When will we.............

Seems like so much time is spent waiting for things to happen-got all the hay stacked but what the kids are going to put in the barn-but now we have to wait for that for a few days for the kids to get out of school again. Too wet on Sunday morning-no kids on Sunday afternoon. I'm looking ofrward to the ramp and deck on the south side of the house-no builder yet-just came to measure and disappeared. NOw-with what I can make happen the story isn't much better- neeed to get our fence finished and the barn cleaned out and the garden fixed up for next spring. Yes, there will be a next spring. Okay, okay-we'll report again tomorrow perhaps with some progress.

THe neighborhood was struck with tragedy with the loss of Pete, Mary dad, Cinnamon's dad, Mary's Grandad-perhaps Cinnamon's grandad-loved by all and a llama for all seasons. THe wild dogs got to him, and in spite of brave efforts to distract them, they were killers. Such a sad story and such a tragic waste. Our barn was somber upon hearing the news, and Mary twitched her nose as Cinnamon hummed. THey blinked back tears. He bravely defended his family, as Cinnamon had done when faced with similar circumstances with the pit bulls. He taught her well and gave his life for his family. Llama are becoming high on my list of loves. I'm trying to find some info on the net about them-all I have found so far are people trying to sell something- Cinnamon and Mary are delightful, very polite and mannered with Mary becoming more curious every day. SHe lets me touch her now-but not with anyone else around. She gave Rasty the once over today-nut sure about him at all but he seemed to enjoy seeing her. He rarely goes to the barn with me anymore, but enjoyed it today.

We are loosing ground fast there-his walk is no longer the shuffle but more of a kind of short step falling forward motion-seems like just in the last week. He has trouble getting to the bathroom in time, and almost always heads outside to go in the day time. He still wants to go home at night, but seems to not mind as much when I suggest we stay here for the night. He rarely mentions anyone by name anymore, and hasn't asked where his mother is this week. He is not as cranky and hasn't picked up any pieces of wood to use and hasn't thrown anything-I'm hoping the violence and cranky was directly related to the copenhagen withdrawl, in which case I completely understand. Every time I quit smoking I became a danger to myself or other people. Every other night he sleeps only a short time, gets up and wanders around and goes back to bed. TOnight is one of those nights, but last night was a good night. I'm giving him 9 drops twice a day now-quit the noon drops when he became less angry. Tried to get him to oil leather for me today, but he couldn't concentrate enough to do it-a few weeks ago he would work hard to get his boots oiled. It will be helpful when the home health people come as they will be better at evaluating him weekly. He still is happy to see company and tries hard to rise to the occasion-for that I am so thankful-and for the fact that we still have company on occasion. THey are my lifeline. I have three lifelines, the telephone, company, and the library. Soon I'll add ebay-very very soon. I'm working on my new line of earrings and will do a giant listing. GOnna be fun! Enough now- to bed for a few minutes.

Oh Happy Day!

YES! Partner woke up with a big smile on his face this morning. At last! I had the chores done and shortly after breakfast and the shave, friend Steve called-do you feel like a ride? You Bet! Off to town the three of us were-took a big adventure to the CASINO! We enjoyed the people, the food, the visit, and the ride tremendously. MY sweet partner did his best to keep up with the visiting, and saw old friends there as well. I must admit, I was afraid that the big black cloud would pop up at any minute, but it didn't. We took a quick run around the grocery store to stock up, emptied out our full mailbox and are prepared if we have more bad days, but perhpas the root of our problems was, in fact the nicotine withdrawl. Friend Will was at home waiting for our return, and will start on the deck and ramp for the front of the house this weekend. as well Veronica's kids are going to stack the remainder of the hay in the little barn for me. Will is going to put windows on the barn-one thing we never got finished and we'll hang the big door on the east again. All set-then it can snow. Mama llama is so much better, and the vet bill wasn't staggering so that is good. The triplets are keeping up very well, and their sweet mother can surely count to three. THe clouds really parted today and all was well-thank you one and all!

Give me one more chance-I wanna dance the dance!

One more day-a short night but so far a great day! My partner decided he would not go to bed, and slept dressed in the chair. I didn't dare go to bed for fear he would run off if he awoke as he was looking for somewhere to go when he went to sleep. Finially got him to bed and 1:30 and did the same myself. He was up at 6 looking for the way back to his room from the bathroom, I put him there and he was good till 7:30-gave me time to haul hay and have a shower! Hurrah!

Yesterday was a day of many mysteries-how to start the pickup, the car, the t v magic wand, anything else that he could lay his hands on. Poor thing.

My bright spots were seeing my friend Steve, who filled out freezer with delightful goodies, and gave me much needed help with the llama. Called Polly and Lynda for a short visit-hope to have coffee with Lynda today if the nice llady shows up. Steve has volunteered for backup, and I have Guy on call as well-I am looking forward to my getaway counting the minutes.

MY Partner is calm this morning, and seems to be happy-hope it keeps going.

dear diary

Sunday turned out to be a pretty good day, but my partner never went outside. The chores, feeding his horses, the llamas-everything seemed to be not important-usually the horse feeding is done at least 3 times a day. I did manage to play with the llamas for a few minutes, and tried to spray the medicine on Cinnamon-got pretty close-how do you hold the front end and spray the back end? Guy and Janet came for beans, the visit was fine-Rasty chiming in with strange things. About 12:15 I awoke to find him with two pairs of jeans on, a shirt that was insideout-trying to snap the cuffs. I must have been sleeping better than I thought I ever sleep. Got him back to bed, got me back to bed, and this morning at 6 here he was putting jeans on over his one shoe(he got it done)-two shirts on ( the insideout one still on) . Got drops down him and back to bed-still 2 shirts and one pair of jeans on. I have decided that hardest part of this disease for me is having to rely on other people to help me. THank heaven for those who are helpers-and oh how I wish I could jump in my little red car and go do what needs to be done-go outside and work without worrying about my partner-and know what to do and how to do it as well. Rasty would have his day planned the night before-he would wake up ready to go and he had the details figured out before he grabbed the hammer.

Colombus day-the day that is hated on the rez-when they made Colombus stamps Lander o P>O> sent me some-I sold them to the priest who was writing to the man on the I HATE COLOMBUS committee in Washington D C. Asked Lander not to send those anymore-please. Zola got the contract at the post office, and is trying to secure the $5,000 bond-hope she does it. The council is going to help her-she is 2 signatures away. She went to Idaho to see her new grandbaby-good for her. She has come a long way. I am proud of her.

The cornfield is full of geese this morning-a sight to see. It is a beautiful day and Rasty is fast asleep now. I'm going to go outside and play!

we are FINE!!!!

A new day in the Wind River Valley. Sunday brought an inch of snow, and remarkably clean air-the kind that the Arapahoes long for to clear out the bad-and it did! My partner awoke with a smile, had some peaches and went back to bed long enough for me to haul hay to feed the sheep, take care of mamallama and the horses and get a smile on my face. The second arising was as good as the first, and we have even accomplished a clean shaved face and brushed teeth-now for the house. A pot of beans is going, when is the football game? I wonder if 22 years of living with me has hurried Rasty's problems along-he could be prefectly normal having lived with a sane person for that long-perhaps....................we are headed to the season "when the bear sleeps" and I think I am glad.

If this life belonged to someone else

Is this really my life? How funny it is-my sweet husband came out of the bathroom tonight with the plunger and a handful of shells. Last week I spent about 3 hours hiding all the shells in the house-but-not apparently the pickup-for he was sitting in it trying to get it started today(i have the keys in my back pocket), Two of the shells were already shot, but the third wasn't. I have to remember to get them out of his pocket when he is asleep tonight- now- for the rest of the story- here he comes with the plunger telling me he only gets three shots! Quick- have a piece of cake! d

THe day was just fun-after Rasty got settled down this morning. Veronica and Austin brought mamalama and Mary home from the vet-we got a halter on her and put them in the barn and doctored her. THe baby is so soft and so gentle and sweet, and mama is much much better. Veronica and Austin had breakfast with us, and Steve called and did my walmart shopping for me and came with groceries, a great pizza and a great visit-movie included. How good it was and it was so heartwarming to see Rasty laugh. Afterward, we took a trip to the barn to see the new one, and I decided to put barn windows on my want list. Veronica said her man could do the ramp at the south door and perhaps he can help me figure out the windows as well.

The withdrawl seems to be going better-I have upped the drops a bit for a few days-8 drops morning and night and 3 at lunch. Still well under the 20 drops twice a day that is prescribed and seems to be enough to be managable.

Once again-here we go again. Relieved, I have figured out the cause of my partners problems of rage. He has, after 65 years of chewing, forgotten that he chews. We are now going through the withdrawl-called the alz association, who hung up on me the first time-called again and they had no clue how long the symptoms would last or what else to look for while the body is detoxing. So looks like I will be able to write the book on it if we both make it through this one. Hang on Nellie!

MamaLama will be home from the vet today-they are doing well, but the vet suggests one year off for her. Okay. Big black clouds in a high sky this morning-yesterdays clouds held no moisture for us, but the hay still isn't stacked so I wish it could hold off till Monday-then let it happen!

Help will be here on Wednesday afternoon for 4 hours-I am deciding which way to travel-with business day in Lander having the top slot so far. Next week-hair doo!

here we are

Another day beginning-the week is nearly over and little has been accomplished-but not without much trying. THe days are turning into "that other seeason" quickly, and the leaves are falling, but their splendor has been mighty. Sunday b rought me a cira-baby lama- she is beautiful when only viewed from a distance-Thursday brought pit bulls attacking her, and at last they came into the corral-with help from stepson and husband-who highjacked the pickup with the keys left inside. Thought the pit bulls had gotten mamalama only to find out that she had a very difficult time in childbirth-she is now at the doctors office with the baby and we are praying for her recovery.

THe week was spent mostly dodging articles being tossed my way- minimal cleaning and a few loads of laundry. I did do some beadwork and used the new photo studio to take great pictures for ebay. It is wonderful to use, and the lighting can be arranged so well with it-still learning and experimenting. Nearly ready to sell again.

THe help from the children seems to be working well-they have one week to make excuses and 6 weeks to think of new excuses-it has been forsaken but the brightspot has to be the newest family member-Bridgett-who brought sunshine, smiles and a wonderful dinner. She shared with us the story of the love of her parents and her marvelous multicultural upbringing-what an asset to us all.

Friends have been wonderful-Steve, Shelly, Dion and Veronica have all come through with sunshine and friendship-renews faith. I have found that those people who carry around "Christian" signs need to carry those signs so they can be recognized.

As for my partner, this week has been spent in trying to rearrange and locate things. Seems to be getting ready to go to cowcamp for the fall. The big worry is that he has difficulty in locating the bathroom at night-I must sleep with one eye open to direct him there and back to bed when he awakens. Nouns are becoming a thing of the past. He is still walking pretty well, but unable to keep a thought long enough to execute it. He was going to do dishes for me, and by the time he got his sleeves roled up he had forgottten the mission-just as well I guess. THe bright spot, if there is one, is that he isn't calling for the children as much as he was -he used to call each one by name every morning and wonder where they were-now just occasionally. I reassure him that they are busy and will be home when they can. How very sad.